Jus felt the need to ventilate today. So many things happen lately. Dun worry. None of the worse happen yet. Wouldnt want it to be. All were bearable n tolerable.
I'll talk about work first. I understand myself as a person who can get disorganised at times. When certain tasks were deemed to be completed soon, i tried to delay them a bit. Well, nobody realised or infact rushed me to complete them. But all the more when no one does tat, i will tend to slack more. I ended up getting things piled up. Serves me right! I gotta complete my roster making, typing my minutes and A3 report for my latest project by noon today. And now its 1.30am. Sigh... Latest news from the bosses, form a task group to work out ideas for certain issues. And my training sessions have been increased! I realised that one of the training dates clashed my leave for wedding prep. Gotta swap wif someone else. Next round, got to give training single handed. Die la!! Im getting tensed up already. I havent mention about my upcoming course for clinical instructorship. I really hope they dont clash with my training schedules n wedding preps. I hope i can survive through all this ordeal. It can be quite tiring at times cos apart from all this stuff, im still working/performing my normal duties in the ward. Its not like i get to do office hours. I havent add my personal stuff yet. I want to try n do new things apart from doing ward routines. It gives me a sense of new achievement. All i realli hope is that being able to cope well with work and personal life. Im lucky that Rid understands my work. Cos he has even more work stuffs than me. I guess its like pay back time. He used to be busy with his work. Now, i can be on same par wif him. I hope tat our tasks/stuffs dun affect our relationship. But i guess i'll still be the one to ask for more attention. :p N the one to find fault.
That's all about work. Now, its about personal stuff. I've come to realise that im having a lil high expectation from rid. Knowing that we're getting married soon, i expect a lil bit more from him in certain aspects. I hate to admit those but i reali tink tat i am. After going through our pre-marriage course recently, i had a lot of thinking done. On wat to do..wat to expect... wat to avoid... etc.. Being a woman sometimes, u tend to think of the 'wat if' situation. On the recent incident tat happen recently, i brought up a few of 'wat if' issues to Rid. I know tat i can be a pessismistic at times and a sensitive person too. Seriously speaking, having a lot of 'wat if' thoughts is not good for a relationship. Its good to be able to foresee certain things.. but by doing that, u tend to avoid certain issues. Another thing about me recently is tat, im being too sensitive. I hate tat side of me. I cant avoid it. Like people said, 'dah tua ni, cepat merajuk'. Senang cakap, 'Pergi jalan dah!'. Tis month already, i had 3 incidents about that issue. But not all my fault la.. Each of us play a part. But sometimes being stubborn, i hate to admit that im at fault. Good thing about us is tat, when we have an issue, we will usualli sit down n analyse wats the root cause and find solutions to it. Did too much projects, we ended up using that formula to solve our problems. I hate that negative thoughts tat i have sometimes. They made me feel unhappyand thus affect my mood when i go out wif him. I always hope tat my day will end up happily but there's some part of me tat jus made me turn unhappy at times. I expect too much for the day. I realli miss those moments when i was realli happy. Free from problems. Im not saying that i regret my decision. No and never. Its jus about certain issues. I know u dun understand wat im trying to say here cos i did not lay out wat was the issue. Im jus blogging to ventilate out my feelings. I guess thats all for now. Feeling a lil bit better but not yet. Had to cool down on my own.
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